Big
night. Big plans. Big tab. Can the prom be tamed?
By Daniel B. Wood
The Christian Science Monitor
May 05, 2006
SHERMAN OAKS, CALIF. -
Damon Robertson, a senior at Notre Dame High School here, will spend
$130 for prom tickets and another $300 for tux, dinner, and flowers for
his date. But bucking a prom-going trend of a dozen years' standing,
he'll spend zip - nothing, nada, $0 - to hire a stretch limo for the
evening of May 27.
Instead, he'll meet prom attendees from Notre Dame in the school
parking lot, where they'll board three large bus coaches and drive 50
minutes south to this year's venue: the Long Beach Aquarium.
OK, so the ride is a little more downscale (and a lot less intimate)
than the chauffeured confines of a luxury auto. But that's a good
thing, according to school officials and parents who say The Prom is
practically taking over the world - or at least their children's world.
Though a distinct minority, these prom-poopers say it's time to restore
some sanity to a tradition that has nearly succumbed to cheap values
and expensive thrills.
"We are seeing a reining in of some of the excesses of recent years,"
says Kate Wood, associate editor of PromSpot.com, a website on prom
planning, dress, and etiquette. "Because of the backlash in media
coverage over out-of-control behavior and spending, more and more
schools and parents are cracking down."
Notre Dame's limousine ban, for instance, cuts costs, competition, and
cliques, not to mention "unsavory activities that limo companies don't
worry about, where[as] we do," says Stevie Connelly, principal of the
parochial school in this Los Angeles suburb. The hired buses will also
drive promgoers back to the school instead of to the chic destination
of recent years: hotels, where all-night parties ensued. The prom, says
Ms. Connelly, "shouldn't be an occasion to do things you wouldn't
ordinarily do."
In every region of the US, a handful of schools are taking steps akin
to Notre Dame's. Some have followed the lead of New York's Kellenberg
Memorial High, a Long Island Catholic school that last fall cancelled
its prom, citing "the flaunting of affluence," "exaggerated expenses,"
and "a pursuit of vanity for vanity's sake." Others are outlawing
post-prom parties at hotels, holding more school-sanctioned events
before and after the dance, and involving parents as party planners and
chaperones.
Party attire, too, is getting a modesty makeover. Some schools are
ruling out low-cut backs, plunging necklines, leg-revealing slits, and
other slinkiness, says PromSpot.com's Ms. Wood. Gowns that are more
traditional - bedecked with ruffles, lace, and flowers - are in.
All this doesn't mean the big event is devoid of fun and originality.
Prompted by TV shows such as "The O.C." and MTV's "Laguna Beach," teens
are inventing a new ritual: imaginative ways to ask someone to the
prom. (In a recent episode of "The O.C.," a character used hundreds of
rose petals and candles distributed across the back lawn to spell out
"Prom?")
Among students' real-life invitations to the dance: Raisins and
chocolate drops arranged on a bakery shelf to read, "There's muffin I
would rather do than go to prom with you." One guy who'd invited his
prospective date over for pizza placed a dozen roses inside the box,
according to PromSpot.com. Another ordered special M&M candies that
spelled out "Prom?" - and enlisted a restaurant's maitre d' to deliver
them on the dessert tray to the girl of his dreams.
"One thing that strikes me about young folks today is their desire for
distinction, not necessarily status but ... to set oneself apart and
have memories that are set apart," says Amy Best, author of "Prom
Night: Youth, Schools, and Popular Culture." "Some schools will be
permissive, and others will try to rein things in. There needs to be an
acknowledgment of the vast diversity."
Innovative invites do come with a down side - angst, embarrassment, or
money down the drain - if things don't go as planned. "My friend sent
the girl he wanted to ask a bouquet of flowers ... she said 'no,' "
says Damon. "Now he's out $50 and still has no date."
While some applaud pop-the-question creativity, others say it is more
evidence that prom spending is still over-the-top. Teens, they say, are
trapped by cultural expectations of extravagance - fed by TV shows and
fanned by prom marketers, fashion magazines, peer pressure, and their
own determination to outshine the proms of and prior high school
classes.
"As a parent, I can say that, yes, this is out of proportion, that it
is propelled by marketing in grand fashion, and that it is difficult to
argue that [it] is not conspicuous consumption," says Daniel Howard, a
father of three teenagers and the chairman of the marketing department
at Southern Methodist University in Dallas. "As a marketing professor,
I can say the spending is good for ... the American economy - and for
the stores that cater to proms, who make a large portion of their
entire income at this one time of year."
Your Prom magazine, published by Conde Nast, estimates the average
promgoer dishes out $638 - and that total prom-related spending adds up
to $4.1 billion a year.
For some who long for less audacious proms, the concern is less about
money than about behavior. They worry that students set out to mimic
the high-living standards of TV celebrities who doll up to dine, drink,
and defy the rules, as if for sport.
"The pressure on teens over prom night has gotten absolutely crazy,"
says Annie Fox, author of "Too Stressed to Think," who dispenses advice
to teens via the Internet. "Many [proms] have become all trappings and
no essence. Teens are being asked to go into situations that overwhelm
their ability to control impulses.... They are stressed out over it."
The principal at Kellenberg Memorial, Kenneth Hoagland, decided to put
his foot down after 46 seniors spent $10,000 to rent a house in the
Hamptons for a post-prom party. "Each year it gets worse - becomes more
exaggerated, more expensive, more emotionally traumatic," he told local
media last fall. "Many students and parents disagreed and said that
canceling the prom didn't solve anything."