Roots
of violence found in disrespect
By Jane Lampman
The Christian Science Monitor
February 23, 2006
Perplexing violence overseas and
in America seems to have a common thread - the yearning for respect. In
the ongoing controversy over the Danish caricatures of the prophet
Muhammad, people on both sides agree that the strongest spark for the
protests in the Muslim world is the message the cartoons send of
disrespect for Islam and its followers.
In several cities in the United States, police report a disturbing
pattern of rising violence - including homicides - linked to disputes
in which people say they were "disrespected." "We're seeing a very
angry population," one police chief recently told The New York Times.
Respect is one of the most widely shared yearnings among human beings,
and it touches the emotional core of people in profound ways. Respect
given can be powerful and transformative. The results of respect
withheld can be painful or even explosive. At a time when civility
seems to be diminishing, some see the power of mutual respect as a way
to break through cultural stereotypes and religious prejudices.
"Cultures are rubbing against each other more than ever before in
history," says Akbar Ahmed, professor of Islamic studies at American
University in Washington. "We need to be sensitive to ... respect,
honor, dignity, and how they are viewed in different societies."
The prime ministers of Turkey and Spain, nations at the crossroads of
East and West, have proposed a major initiative of structured dialogue
to explore differing values and what Islamic and Western societies
consider sacred.
"We have to have a deeper conversation about why Western democracies
came to this place of tolerance of offensive language; and what we can
do, not in the realm of the law, but of decency, to be more aware of
what each other's [hot] buttons are," says Marc Gopin, director of the
Center for World Religions, Diplomacy and Conflict Resolution at George
Mason University in Arlington, Va.
Rabbi Gopin has engaged in discussions among enemies in the Middle
East. Because of his belief in the "power of gestures of respect," he
visited Damascus last year at some risk to himself as a Jew, and faced
tough questions about America and Israel from more than 300 Syrians.
The 90-minute session was televised nationally.
While people give lip service to the idea that everyone is created in
the image of God or that everyone has human rights, he says, they often
act as if others aren't human beings.
"So when you cut through that and demonstrate enormous respect for a
person who is an enemy, it's a shock. It brings that deeper truth,
buried under suspicion and hatred, to the surface, and evokes honesty
from the other parties," he adds. "Respect can have remarkable effects."
The controversy is also spurring deeper discussion on international
rights.
Muslim leaders from 57 countries are pressing for the new UN human
rights body to take steps to prevent the defamation of religions and
prophets. That will likely raise issues of where Muslim countries stand
on questions of religious freedom and persecution - and practices of
disrespect in their societies. The Iranian president's recent
questioning of the Holocaust is one provocative example.
Yet finger-pointing is not the way out of what many see as an
increasingly dangerous state.
"We are losing a lot of the Muslim world. We must have Muslim allies on
our side," says Dr. Ahmed. "This is possible through the language of
respect." He says symbolic gestures by US officials could help defuse
the situation, such as ambassadors in various Muslim countries visiting
mosques, as President Bush did right after Sept. 11.
Respect needs to be taught
Of deep concern to some people, however, is the growing devaluation of
respect itself, including in American culture.
"We have dropped the ball," says Carl Taylor, a professor at Michigan
State University in East Lansing, who conducts research among families
and youths in urban and suburban areas.
"Young people today are not being taught what respect is, and that is
true in the middle class as well," says the African-American
criminologist.
Nor is it being modeled enough for them. "When young people feel they
aren't respected by law enforcement, by teachers, by others, they
respond in kind," he says. He recalls one youth in trouble telling him,
"If they talked with me the way you do, I'd never have done those
things."
After lengthy study of violent criminals, James Gilligan of Harvard
Medical School concluded that warding off disrespect, shame, and
humiliation constitutes the basic psychological motive, or cause, of
violent behavior. Street culture, he says, often evolves around a
desperate search for respect.
At the same time, entertainment and media industries are promoting
distorted ideals of manhood and womanhood, Dr. Taylor says, from
rappers to video games that glorify violence and disrespect, to reality
shows that are steeped in humiliation.
"Uncivilized behavior is celebrated and applauded like never before,"
he says.
Peter Yarrow's classroom solution
Others share those concerns, and one group tackling them through
education is starting with the early years.
"Elements in our culture are promoting disrespect, but there's a strong
yearning for respect in the human spirit, and our work makes us
hopeful," says Mark Weiss, education director for Operation Respect
(OR), which provides curricula to help build respectful school
environments. Founded in 2000 by Peter Yarrow of the folk trio Peter,
Paul, and Mary, OR makes strong use of music to engage children on how
they treat one another.
Kristin Krycia, a school counselor and teacher in Alexandria, Va., says
the music evokes an immediate response in students.
"I had tried everything for several years and nothing worked," she
says. "With this program, the changes were fast and monumental."
She tells of several bullies whose behavior turned around, and a
sixth-grader who was always pointing a finger at people and laughing.
"Kids started to hate him because he was always ridiculing," she says.
When she played the song, "Don't Laugh at Me," in the class, the boy
"came up afterward and said, 'That song is about me. Can you help me
stop?' " He not only succeeded in changing, but began helping other
kids do the same.
"The word 'respect' has power," says Jeff Edmondson, OR's interim
director, who previously worked in Washington, D.C., public schools.
"The No. 1 thing you could say to a student to stop a fight ... was
'Listen, it's about respect, me and you. What's up?' And it would just
defuse the situation."
More than 125,000 sets of their curricula have been distributed in
several countries, and OR is currently giving workshops for teams from
every elementary school in New York City. The program is about
"harnessing the power of respect so the beast that might result from
disrespect doesn't happen," Mr. Edmondson says.
But students spend only 12 percent of their time in a school
environment, he adds. "If we all start demonstrating respect for them
and each other, we can turn the tide on some of the headlines we see on
a daily basis."
It sometimes seems to feel good to bully or beat up on others - we seem
to get something from this negative stuff, Mr. Weiss says.
"But it's like junk food - there's instant gratification, but in the
long run, it's unhealthy and doesn't get us very far."